By Jon Roberts — “You’re the devil,” were the last words uttered by someone I had looked up to, had helped, and who was supposed to be a leader. This was the conclusion of a boiling situation within the church I attended. The leadership was looking to shift away from identifying with Adventism and moving toward an inter-denominational identity.
Leaving the congregation behind where I had been a member for ten years, I spent the next four years blaming this individual and becoming very bitter. The bitterness overflowed into my conversations. It was killing me from the inside and I was, by definition, “going through the motions” of being a Christian.
I was unaware of how much Jesus was blocked from this portion of my heart until one Sabbath I became overwhelmed with anger when this individual walked through the doors of the church I was then attending.
How dare they invade my safe space. I was engulfed with unholy anger and I knew I had to act. I had to become like Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane. It was my duty to defend this safe space from a person who, in my mind, was the scum of the earth and had caused major hurt.
After worship, I left feeling very bitter and angry–not at myself or the individual, but at God. Why would He allow this person to come to my safe zone? I knew I was in the right in this matter.
In the coming weeks I, like Peter, slowly reflected on the events which had played out and the portion of my heart I had refused to allow Jesus to enter began to open up to allow God’s love to flow in. Through prayer and much thought, I came to the realization that I could never expect to have a heart like Jesus if I couldn’t bring myself to forgive this individual. And I knew I had caused some of issues between us.
The following Sabbath, I took the hardest forty steps of my life, each step becoming easier and easier as a deep sense of peace overcame me. This journey, which took a minute to walk, but four years to initiate reached its climax when I blurted out, “I need to ask for your forgiveness. We didn’t end right several years back and I hope you can forgive me for the words I said.” There, I said it. Silence. Then tears began to flow as the response, far different than I expected, reached my ears, “No, please forgive me. I was in the wrong.”
Restoration and healing happened. At once, the bitterness I had been holding on to, melted from my heart and God’s love filled me.
The lesson learned was clear. We can’t become fully alive in Jesus and become an effective tool to reach our community with the love of Jesus without letting go and opening those secret corners of bitterness in our hearts.
Is there a forty-step journey you need to take? When you trust and allow Jesus to inhabit your entire heart, the first step may still be hard, but it is doable because Jesus walks next to you and the peace and love of Jesus Christ is in you.
–Jon Roberts is RMC media/communication assistant
