By Ron Price
When I was six years old, my mother started checking out of my life. As I recall, she would be gone for days, weeks, perhaps even months at a time for a period of two years. She would just come and go, and then one day she never returned. I have not seen my mother since I was eight years young.
About ten years ago, I related this story to a biblical, prayer-oriented counselor who prayed and asked God to show me anything I needed to know and understand about how that life circumstance had impacted me through the years. I vividly recall God giving me a clear picture of myself as an eight-year-old saying, “If my mother really loved me, she wouldn’t have left me.” Now that makes perfect sense until I tell you that shortly after my sixth birthday, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. She spent the next two years in and out of hospitals for various periods of time and then shortly after my eighth birthday she lost the fight and died.
Knowing this new information, does it make any sense that I would tell myself that if she really loved me, she would not have left me? Is death by cancer a suicide or an intentional act? The obvious answer is no, yet I believed it and subconsciously continued to believe it for decades until God showed up and revealed to me the truth of my situation. Stay with me on this just for a moment. If your own mother did not love you—or if you simply believed she did not love you—how lovable could you possibly be? And that, I’m sorry to say, was my reality. As I look back over my life, I can see how this horrible thought drove me to try to get people to love me in hopes that their love might help me to feel lovable.
As your brother in Christ, may I offer a challenge to you to reflect back on your life and consider what lies you have believed that have impacted you in negative ways? For the purposes of this article, I want to focus on one particular lie that I know is common to many of us. You have likely had a thought in your mind that goes something like, “Who do you think you are to be telling others about Christ when you are such a hypocrite?” Or perhaps, “A real Christian would never have a thought like that—who do you think you’re fooling?”
Do these sound familiar? If so, it is because they come from the same source—our common enemy known as the devil or satan (he does not deserve capitalization). He has become very adept at getting us to think so lowly of ourselves that we hesitate to reach out to others in love and acceptance.
At the beginning of this year, I embarked on a 21-day brain detox program developed by Dr. Caroline Leaf, a Christian neuroscientist. Over the course of the program, I countered the oft-occurring thought that I am not good enough or worthy to be called a Christian, and replaced it with the reality that I am at peace with God, therefore I can be at peace with myself, and since I am at peace with myself I can be at peace with others.
I have recently observed myself being so much more accepting of visitors who come to our church looking different, or acting in a manner other than how I think a “real Christian” should look or act. As I encounter people in the course of my day, I find myself showing more appreciation and understanding than I ever have before.
What I am saying here should not be misapplied. This is not about how wonderful I am or have become. Like you, I am very much a work in progress, but I wonder what our churches would be like if everyone adopted a similar positive perspective for themselves and others?.
Here are a few questions to consider:
Might our churches become more loving, warmer, and welcoming to all who enter our doors?
Would visitors and members alike feel a greater sense of belonging and connection?
Might newly converted members be less likely to quickly exit as is unfortunately far too often the case?
Please understand this is not another version of self- help philosophy. It is more like what we read in Rom. 12:2 (NLT): “. . . let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think,” or “and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (Jn. 8:32), or 2 Cor. 10:5 where we are admonished to take “every thought captive to the mind of Christ.”
For me, the challenge is to focus on replacing a negative thought about who I am with a more accurate Christ-focused acceptance of who and Whose I truly am. Be advised, however, that despite our best efforts, we cannot change ourselves. Only Christ, living in us, can change you and me fully. Let Him be in charge. Invite Him to show you the erroneous thoughts that have hindered your Christian experience and witness over the years. Seek His help in overcoming them to become the person He intended you to be in the first place.
–Ron Price is a member of the RMC executive committee from Farmington, New Mexico, and is the author of Play Nice in Your Sandbox at Work. For further information or tips on how to move from negative to positive thinking, email him at: [email protected]