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By David Sedlacek

Parents, teachers, youth leaders, chaplains, pastors, and others in positions of leadership often must hear the painful accounts of those to whom they minister. Isaiah 63:9 tells us that in all of our suffering, God also suffers. We are never absent from His tender, compassionate care. God feels what we feel and suffers our pain with us.

As His representatives here on earth, we too are called upon to empathize, that is feel, with the children, youth, adults, and older persons in our families, churches, and communities. If your heart is open to them, their pain will affect you. I was recently asked by students in the seminary where I teach how I process the pain from the stories I hear when counseling students and others with whom I work. Here are some things that I have learned.

First, I must have a vibrant personal relationship with God. It begins in the morning with my personal time talking with and listening to God. This connection continues throughout the day no matter what I am doing, whether it is teaching, counseling, preaching, or even doing very mundane things such as washing dishes, driving to work, or doing the laundry.

Before I begin a therapeutic task such as reading a student story or listening to a client, I intentionally pray, asking for God’s presence and guidance to see what He sees and hear what He hears and to be guided by the Holy Spirit in my feelings and responses. What this does is keeps me connected with God always.

Second, I recognize that I am not the healer, but God is. This allows me to not carry the burdens of others myself. My job is to facilitate a connection between the person I am ministering to and God. It is easy to say those words, but many of us struggle to fully understand how to be such a conduit of healing.

Some of us have taken on the role in our families and professions of “fixers” or “healers.” We have chosen professions such as nursing, medicine, social work, psychology or teaching, sometimes to work out our own pain as well as to minister to others. If we consciously or unconsciously see ourselves in one of these roles, then we will tend to carry the burdens of others in an unhealthy, codependent way. We may even work harder at their recovery than they do.

If we carry these burdens alone, they will certainly crush us. The Bible tells us, “Cast your burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22). When we say, “Lord, this is too much for me. Here, I give the pain and hurt of this person to you,” then the Lord lifts the burden and carries it with us. Even though we continue to love and care for the person, we know that this person is in God’s arms of care. There are several methods of inner healing prayer that specifically connect the person with God that are beyond the scope of this article.

Third, it is important to engage in daily self-care. In addition to a vibrant, personal prayer life, physical, emotional, and relational health are essential to caregiver survival. A healthy diet, sufficient rest, and daily exercise help us to be at our best when working with others. Ellen White reminds us that there is an intimate connection between the body and the mind.

Knowing yourself and how you process stress is essential to healthy caregiving. Taking a walk, spending time in nature, talking with God, working out in the gym all have their place. Unhealthy eating to medicate the pain we carry from others or taking the pain out on others are unhealthy coping mechanisms that some people fall into.

Fourth, being in touch with our own feelings and processing the pain of our own past is also a part of self-care. If a person has not processed their own pain, they will be likely to project their own issues onto the person they are working with. However, if they have dealt with their own

issues, they will use their healing journey as a way of identifying with the person and being a source of comfort to them. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.” Many of us have been told that it is not OK for us to have feelings. Poor emotional health (not being in touch with one’s feelings or being emotionally reactive) makes it difficult to empathize in a healthy way. We will relate primarily from a cognitive position rather than an integrated position of both mind and heart.

Being healthy socially means that a helper has good communication and conflict resolution skills and that they can listen well. However, it also means that they know when to ask for help themselves. In addition to the Lord, it is good to have a small group of people with whom you can process the difficult things that you have heard from others. I personally have a small accountability group that I have come to trust. I also attend a Journey to Wholeness 12-step group that meets at our church weekly. These groups provide an avenue for me to share and debrief my feelings at times.

Finally, when expressing their feelings, ministry leaders would do well to express them as specifically as possible. For example, rather than saying, “I feel bad,” a more specific feeling would be preferable, such as, “I feel inadequate.” Understand your limitations.

Don’t blame others, shame yourself, control others, or withdraw. Recognize these tendencies in yourself. Be aware of emotional flooding when too much has come at you too quickly. This often leads to emotional shutdown. Learn to step back and observe yourself during your interactions.  Ask yourself why you are responding the way you are. Is your response well thought out or more emotionally reactive?

Being a well-differentiated, emotionally and spiritually mature helper makes one a much more effective tool in the hands of God.

–David Sedlacek, PhD, LMSW, CFLE, is professor of family ministry and discipleship and director of the MA in youth and young adult ministry program at the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary at Andrews University in Berrien Springs, Michigan. Email him at: [email protected]

By Nathan Brown

Within the Galilean town of Nazareth, the small but abrupt hill of Mount Tabor is the “traditional” site of the Transfiguration—if by “traditional” we mean it might or might not be the actual place that it happened, but it is the place identified as part of the pilgrim circuit of the Holy Land established and popularized in the fourth century by St. Helena, the mother of the Emperor Constantine.* At the eastern end of the Valley of Jezreel, Mount Tabor is mentioned a few times through the Bible, including being the vantage point from which the prophet Deborah and Barak led the Israelite army against the oppressing armies of Canaanite King Jabin (see Judges 4).

Having recently looked over this distinct hilltop while visiting Nazareth, my mind went to this place and the story of what might have happened there when I was asked about the completeness or otherwise of the Seventh-day Adventist faith project. Of course, Adventism is as complete as “It is finished” (John 19:30**) and as incomplete as “the Good News about the Kingdom will be preached throughout the whole world, so that all nations will hear it; and then the end will come” (Matthew 24:14). The church is as complete as the great “I am” and as incomplete as the Great Commission. As has often been said of the Kingdom of Heaven, it is “already” and “not yet.” But the story of the transfiguration of Jesus draws these realities out in the remarkable experience and fumbling responses of the disciples Peter, James, and John.

Confronted with the alarmingly bright display of the divinity of Jesus, accompanied by the mind-boggling appearance of Moses and Elijah—the two Hebrew heroes who personified the law and the prophets of the Old Testament scriptures—Peter offered a curiously human suggestion: “Lord, it’s wonderful for us to be here! If you want, I’ll make three shelters as memorials—one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah” (Matthew 17:4).

Given God’s overwhelming response to Peter’s meager idea, it seems ironic that the hilltop considered a possible site for this historic event is marked today by two main churches and two smaller chapels. But such is the pattern across the “holy lands.” Wherever there is a possible biblical site, churches, chapels, and shrines—and their ubiquitous gift stores—abound.

The most contested of these are about 60 miles to the south, around the Old City of Jerusalem, particularly the two locations that claim to have been where Jesus was crucified, buried, and resurrected, even though the entire point of the story is that He isn’t there. Jesus’ instruction to His first evangelists—the women He met at the tomb that Sunday morning—was to turn their backs on the empty tomb, not to make it a holy place, but rather to go and tell what had happened and to share their story of this discovery.

Yet there is something innately human that wants to enshrine, memorialize, explain, and defend our experiences and stories of faith and the divine, both in our physical architecture and our theological structures. With successive generations and layers of history, these structures tend to become increasingly elaborate, rigid, and dearly held.

But, in the story of the transfiguration, God seemed to shrug off these merely human inventions—in a way that was both awesome and terrifying. Ignoring Peter’s temptation to human-sized building, the voice of God pointed these perpetually awkward disciples to His “dearly loved Son” (Matt. 17:5)—and to His words. Then Jesus’ immediate words to them were the biblical refrain, “Don’t be afraid” (verse 7). And the culmination of this revelation and affirmation of the divinity among them? “When they looked up, Moses and Elijah were gone, and they saw only Jesus” (verse 8).

When we have Jesus and hear His words of courage and assurance, our faith is complete. This is the testimony of all the Bible’s laws, prophets, apostles, and epistles. And this has been the experience of countless followers of Jesus since that night on the mountain top. When they have encountered Jesus and listened to Him, they have found that He is enough. This was the impulse of Paul in his declaration to the Corinthian church: “For I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified” (1 Corinthians 2:2).

But this was not the end of the story. Part of God brushing aside Peter’s earnest building plans was to reject his enthusiasm for this mountain top as a “wonderful” place for them to stay. Instead, Jesus led them back down the mountain. The gospels writers recorded a little of their conversation along the way, explaining something of what they had just seen, but the focus soon shifted to the large crowd waiting for them at the foot of the mountain (see verse 14) and the ministry that was yet to be done among the people there.

As glorious as our mountain-top experiences might be, the teaching and model of Jesus is that our faith must always be more about serving and bringing healing to the crowds in the valley than the time alone on the mountain top. As such, our project of faith is incomplete. While ever there are people in need of hope, healing, liberation and restoration, we are led back down to the valley.

Throughout the Bible, our God eschewed holy sites, even holy and high-sounding ideas, in favor of humble and holy service by and to seemingly unholy people (see, for example, Isa. 58). This is what Jesus was about, the Son who brought great joy to His Father and who taught His disciples to do the same. While His people throughout history have often lived out the service and healing commands of Jesus, it has been patchy at best. And in our Adventist experience we have not had either a robust theology or consistent practice of doing justice and loving mercy as key to our humble walk with our God (see Micah 6:8).

In Jesus, we are made whole and, in following Jesus, we embrace an unfinished and not-yet-completely understood task that works to heal all the brokenness of our world and its people—in anticipation of and until He makes all things new (see Revelation 21:5).

–Nathan Brown is a writer and editor at Signs Publishing in Warburton, Victoria, Australia. His forthcoming book, Of Falafels and Following Jesus, tells more of his stories and reflections from a trip to Jordan, Israel, and the Palestinian Territories. Email him at: [email protected]

*Reading the description of a “high mountain” (Matt. 17:1), the surrounding stories in the gospel accounts and the geography of northern Israel suggests Mount Hermon as a more likely location—but it’s about 60 miles further north, straddling the borders of Israel, Lebanon, and Syria, meaning it’s a difficult place for tourists and pilgrims to visit.

**Bible quotations are from the New Living Translation.

By Dick Stenbakken

The title seems like an oxymoron, but sadly it has often become a reality in nations, families, and organizations. “How,” you might ask, “could tyranny ever be not only accepted, but become a virtue?” The two seem to be direct opposites and would logically rule each other out. Think for a moment. We all value freedom and predictability/consistency. In order to have consistency and predictability–thus safety–we need guidance and rules. Otherwise there is chaos. That’s why we have speed limits, rules and regulations, and curfews for our kids.

When chaos is thought to be in full throttle, a parent, CEO, or even religious leader feels the necessity to step in, define the rules, and enforce them as a way to bring order. If the “chaos” continues, the leader resorts to naming, blaming, shaming, and punishing in order to take control.

The levers of control may be seized so strongly that the “cure” leads to tyrannical control, which the leader often sees as a virtue. “After all,” they reason, “if I did not step in and resolve the issues, it would be a total disaster; therefore, what I am doing is a high virtue. My control saves the nation/family/organization. I am acting in the best interest of those I lead, and I should be given unquestioned obedience because I am the (parent, leader, pastor, head elder, etc.).”

In the blink of an eye, tyranny has become a virtue, and those who disobey require and invite naming, blaming, shaming, and punishment. Power becomes abusive rather than conducive to growth and mature discussion.

Think Inquisition, or Saddam Hussein. Tyrannical rule can, indeed, bring consistent predictability. But the price is high. Freedoms evaporate. Oh, yes, there is a level of freedom, but it comes with the mantra of, “My way or the highway.”

When tyranny is in play, there will be abuse, but the abuser sees it as rational control. Think of an abusive marriage where one spouse takes tyrannical control. The abused spouse has no rights, no choices. “I don’t care what you think! You will do it the way I tell you or else,” becomes the rule of the household. The abuser justifies their naming, blaming, shaming, and punishment.

Think of an abusive parent/child relationship. Parents can be tyrannically abusive to their own children. “This is for your own good. This hurts me more than it hurts you,” is heard often. Parenting slips into child abuse. Tyranny has become a virtue in the mind of the abuser. The other side of that coin is when the roles are reversed and the child has control over the parent; control that becomes brutal. It is called elder abuse.

The same dynamics are operable in a religious or secular organization. Abusive leaders allow no discussion, no variance, no accommodation. “My way or the highway” is both a taunt and a reality.

My careers have taken me to assignments from doing thousands of hours of family and individual therapy with people of all backgrounds to leadership positions as varied as a pastor of a district of small, scattered congregations to assignments at the Pentagon and the World Headquarters of the Seventh-day-Adventist Church. Unfortunately, I have encountered people who have believed that their tyrannical style of leading is, indeed, a virtue. I have, by my profession and training, dealt with the shattered, broken, and hurting results of that kind of leadership.

Along the way, I have also seen another kind of leader- ship that produces much better results. I have worked with leaders, parents, and couples who, above all else, worked to build positive bonds and relationships with others in an atmosphere of respect where differing opinions were freely expressed and discussed, and chaos was avoided as people were developed, matured. As a result, unity was built.

That is the pattern Jesus used with His imperfect disciples. Rather than naming, blaming, shaming, and punishing them, He matured them through building relationships with them. It wasn’t instant or easy, but it was effective. The result was a freely chosen loyalty where the disciples became willing to die for Him. They were not forced into that, but through His mentoring, they freely chose allegiance and loyalty over self (Think of your relationship with your kids or grandchildren, and what you would do, or are doing, for them.)

During my military career, I worked closely with many generals. At that rank, they have enormous authority and power. One I worked for was a total tyrant. He publicly named, blamed, shamed, and threatened to punish officers under him. After one particularly rough staff meeting, a full expressed and discussed, and chaos was avoided as people were developed, matured. As a result, unity was built.

That is the pattern Jesus used with His imperfect disciples. Rather than naming, blaming, shaming, and punishing them, He matured them through building relationships with them. It wasn’t instant or easy, but it was effective. The result was a freely chosen loyalty where the disciples became willing to die for Him. They were not forced into that, but through His mentoring, they freely chose allegiance and loyalty over self (Think of your relationship with your kids or grandchildren, and what you would do, or are doing, for them.)

During my military career, I worked closely with many generals. At that rank, they have enormous authority and power. One I worked for was a total tyrant. He publicly named, blamed, shamed, and threatened to punish officers under him. After one particularly rough staff meeting, a full

The general came in, told us to sit down, cleared his throat, and said, “Well, you are probably wondering what I have to say about events over the weekend. Here’s my take: we have trained our troops well. The guy did not drive off the road, and the MP got out of the way. We have a good maintenance program, the blankety-blank thing didn’t break down. Our ammunition security is solid; he had no ammunition on board. The command responded well, having a truck ready to load and bring the tank back to us within ten minutes of his running out of gas. Overall, we did well. Things like this happen. Let’s just not do it again. Now, let’s get the morning briefing started.” That was it.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. No one was named, blamed, shamed, or punished. Our collective appreciation and loyalty to him went up many notches on the spot. I know that if he had called me in the middle of the night and said we were going to deploy and he wanted me to come as his chaplain, but heavy casualties were expected and I could accept or refuse his request, I would have chosen to follow him in a heartbeat. True, he could order me to be there, but I would have volunteered because of my deep respect for him and his leadership style. He cared about people more than regulations.

What is your need to have total power and control, to have the last word? Which of the two generals mentioned are you like? What kind of leader do you appreciate? More importantly, what kind of leader, pastor, parishioner, parent, or spouse are you?

Top-down, heavy-handed tyranny is never a virtue. It carries its own seeds of self-destruction. Jesus had it right. He, and we, are leaders and followers–in any realm–based on love and relationship.

Those are, indeed, virtues.

–Dick Stenbakken served as a pastor, U.S. Army chaplain, and director of Adventist Chaplaincy Ministries at the General Conference. He uses his experience and five graduate degrees to teach, preach, write, and do first- person presentations at venues from the U.S. Senate and the Pentagon to small churches and schools. His website is: www.biblefaces.com. Email him at: [email protected]

By Kiefer Dooley

“Home is where the heart is.”
“There is no place like home.”
“Home sweet home.”

Chances are, you’ve heard at least one of the preceding  clichés about “home.”

For many people, the idea of “home” carries with it feelings of warmth, belonging, safety, security, purpose, and identity. For others, it’s a place of heartache, broken dreams, and longing.

Whether you’re a person who has a great “home” experience and feel that it holds true to the ideal, or you have experienced “home” as a painful, disorganized, and chaotic environment, it’s important to realize that our human view is skewed and does not offer a true picture of what home really is.

Regardless of our experience, as humans, we are all living under the shadow of a lie.

Do you remember the story of the Prodigal Son, told in Luke 15? I’m sure you do. Jesus tells us about a young man, who from all outward appearances, has a fantastic home. But he’s not satisfied. For the Prodigal Son, home is boring. He’d rather trade safety and security for fleeting, inward-focused “adventures.” Fast forward through all manner of partying and licentious living and the young man finds himself longing for what was just a short time earlier his uninteresting home. As he planned his disgraceful return, the son rehearsed a speech and prepared to list out, from A to Z, every last transgression he had made against his Father.

The flaw in the young man’s thinking is a mistake that we often make today. Missing the point. He had relegated home to simply being a place, thinking, “If only I could be a servant in the walls of my Father’s estate.” With this language of walls and beams, the son is excluding the most powerful aspect of what makes our houses homes. He’s leaving out love.

All the while, the Father is overflowing with love. He sees his lost son not as coming home in disgrace, but just coming home! As the son approaches, the Father runs to meet him. He’s not counting transgressions. He’s not waiting to list out the tiny details of the son’s wrongs, or even the blatant acts of disrespect and sin. In fact, we see the Father run to the gate to protect the son from religious leaders who were waiting to do just that. The leaders at the gate saw through the same human eyes as the son. They watched a disheveled, pig-slop covered list of sins, a living embodiment of the broken law, trudge broken toward the Father’s house. The Father only saw His son.

This year, the RMC Youth Ministries Department is going to focus on embracing the idea of being at home with Jesus. It’s a radical idea that we take for granted—a love so unique and all-encompassing.

You see, as humans, we have a difficult time comprehending the true beauty of finding our home in the embrace of Jesus. We are displaced. We struggle to even imagine what being at home with Jesus looks like. We paint our own lies over the lies of the devil. We degrade the value of the Father’s gift by gritting our teeth and trying to measure up. We fight against love, asking for a place at the servant’s table while rehearsing a list of our transgressions—completely missing the fact that in the grandeur of His monumental love, Jesus has prepared for us a party beyond our wildest dreams!

–Kiefer Dooley is RMC youth ministries director. Email him at: [email protected]

By Jessyka Dooley

If you fall within the 64 percent of Americans who own an Apple product, you have most likely been prompted on your phone or computer to update the software. Usually, you are given the option to “Install Now” or “Later.” If you’re anything like me, you probably click the “Later” button more times than you would like to admit. A good majority of the work I do is on my phone or computer and I consider it a huge inconvenience to wait a few minutes for an update and the restarting of my device. Eventually, Apple caught on to my tricks and when I clicked “Later” it started updating anyway.

From the naked eye of an everyday Apple user, I don’t always see the need for these software updates. Although I know a handful of them will just slow my phone or computer down, pushing me to get the shiny new version, I also know that these updates are fixing bugs and creating a better user experience for me. Regardless of their purpose, updates are just a part of owning an iPhone or Mac.

Much like technology, as churches and individuals, we face the question of “Install Now” or “Later” with all of life’s various updates. The world is constantly updating how it eats, shops, drives, communicates, and runs. Some updates are small, almost unnoticeable, and others can be felt on a grand scale. Like it or not, you have faced, are facing, and will face updates. Offices are constantly updating; more files are in folders on computers than stored in physical file cabinets. Our homes are constantly being updated; appliances are being replaced and electric mixers have replaced wooden spoons. Our fashion is constantly being updated; every decade looks back at the previous one with laughter. Our churches are constantly being updated—or are they?

Have we truly been updating, or have we just been put- ting it off for later . . . later . . . later . . . until we are forced to be reactive and update because there is no other choice? Change is scary. Change is inconvenient. Change is powerful. Avoiding change does not make it stop; it only stops you.

When I look at the changes that have been taking place in the world around us, I find myself looking forward with both excitement and fear—excitement for all the possibilities that are now available, streamlined because of these constant “updates,” and fearful because of the “updates” that are seemingly imposing on our safety. As we become less comfortable sending our kids into places of education, walking into buildings where we worship, and even attending a con- cert, we must ask ourselves the question: Are we updating?

Our churches cannot hit the “Remind Me Later” button when it comes to safety in our kids divisions. Yes, your church may feel like home, and yes, many members feel like family. Unfortunately, places that feel safe are also the most vulnerable. So how do we make these spaces feel safe and be safe simultaneously? We must update.

A few things to think about as you look at your kids divisions in your church:

1. Is your space safe? Are the doors and windows secure? Could someone just waltz right into any of your kids rooms? Is there anything in your space that could cause harm?
2. Is your process safe? Are your kids being checked in and out by an adult? Could just anyone pick them up? Can they leave by themselves to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water? Do you have a “hall monitor?” There are great programs that help check kids in and out safely and efficiently (See: https://planning.center/check-ins/ and https://www.kidcheck.com ).
3. Are your people safe? Have all of your volunteers gone through Verified Volunteers and been background checked? Do all of your volunteers create a healthy safe place for every kid to learn more about Jesus?

Among these three, there are many more practical and easy ways to update the safety of your kids ministry. We can no longer avoid the desperate need to create not only a safe physical space, but a safe spiritual space for our kids to learn and grow in the love of Jesus! When Jesus called the little children to Him, He was calling them to a safe place. When we invite kids to our churches, are we calling them to that same safety?

Don’t wait for someone else to take the lead; update now!

Jessyka Dooley is RMC assistant youth ministries director. Email her at: [email protected]

By Doug Inglish

Jesus told a story about two men who walked into the temple to pray (Luke 18:10-14). One of them was quite proud of his life. He did all the right things, and he was happy to recite them in his prayer (just to make sure God was aware of his rigorously righteous life): fasting, prayer, and offerings. In order to drive home the point so God would fully grasp just how good he was, he listed some particularly heinous sins that he was not committing, and then contrasted himself with the other man who came to pray, an obvious sinner based on his occupation as a tax collector.

The lesson of the humble publican who bowed his head and poured out his confession, asking God to have mercy on him, is a powerful one. When we see the two men through the eyes of Jesus we can understand how important it is to humble ourselves and be more charitable in our estimation of others. We are all sinners, and justification is found in confession.

But it’s hard to really internalize that lesson. It’s not easy to be generous like the first man and remain humble like the second man. When we make donations, the devil whispers in our ear telling us that our giving makes us better people than the ones who will benefit from our generosity.

If we were to take the same parable and retell it in our time and place, it might come out something like this:

Two people went into church one Sabbath. As the offering plate passed by, a decent and faithful man dropped his envelope in while thinking, “I am so glad that my business is doing well enough for me to be generous, so I can help people like that sad case down at the end of the pew. I pray that she can find victory over her vices. I’d pay her rent for the month if she wouldn’t just use the money she saved on drugs. That would probably do more harm than good.” When the plate came by the struggling addict to whom he referred, tears slid down her face as she slipped in what she had left so she couldn’t spend it on drugs. She lifted up a silent prayer begging for forgiveness and asking to make it through just one more day of sobriety without landing out on the street. And God ignored the boasts of the comfortable sinner while the prayers of the distressed and penitent sinner touched His heart.

The majority who read this will more easily identify with the life situation of the businessman than with the addict. But Jesus told us that no matter our circumstances, our life choices, or even our generosity, we should identify more with the attitude of the addict than the businessman.

It is impossible to have a truly grateful heart without humility. If we don’t understand that we stand on an equal footing before God with those whom we help through our offerings, then our offerings are not coming from a grateful heart. Humility comes before gratitude.

I am glad that I have the means to pay my bills. I am glad that I don’t struggle with addictions. And I’m glad that Jesus died for me just as much as for anyone. It’s when I feel that kinship with all humanity that my offerings can come from a grateful heart.

–Doug Inglish is RMC director of planned giving and trust services. Email him at: [email protected]

By Shayne Mason Vincent

How do you heal the unhealable, change the unchangeable, forgive the unforgivable; how do you heal the past?

1. Stop fixating on what happened

Stop trying to fix it, stop trying to change it, stop fearing it, stop thinking about it, stop wishing it would change, stop wishing it would have been different, stop ruminating about it, stop thinking you could’ve done something different, stop demanding justice, stop wanting revenge, stop needing to repair it, stop the impression management, stop trying to fix everyone, stop trying to make it better, stop trying to make up for it. “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning; the patient in spirit are better than the proud in spirit; (so) Do not say, ‘Why were the former days better than these?’ For it is not from wisdom that you ask this” (Eccl. 7: 8,10, NRSV).

2. Let go of what cannot be changed

Let go of it, let go of the resentment, let go of the hate, let go of the anger, let go of the injustice, let go of the rage, let go of the shame, let go of the guilt, let go of the pain, let go of the failure, let go of apathy, let go of the loss, let go of the rejection, let go of your vice like grip, let go of your expectations, let go of your demands, let go of your hard heart, let go of could have, let go of should have, let go of perfect, let go of fear, let go of control. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” (Isa. 43:18-19, NIV).

3. Learn to accept a different path

Learn to release it, learn how to move on, learn acceptance, learn forgiveness, learn that control is an illusion, learn that it cannot be altered, learn to grieve it, learn to trust again, learn to lean upon God, learn new truths, learn self-acceptance, learn how powerful you are, learn that you will be ok, learn to change, learn to be happy. “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by appearance. . . . The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’” (1 Sam. 16:7, NLT).

4. Form a new destiny

Form a different future, form something new, form new hopes, form new dreams, form a new life, form new experiences, form new spiritual life, form a taste for new foods, form new adventures, form new beliefs, form new boundaries, form new friends, form a new family, form new habits, form new hangouts, form new memories. “Whatever I used to count as my greatest accomplishments, I’ve written them off as a loss because of the Christ. And more so, I now realize that all I gained and thought was important was nothing but yesterday’s garbage compared to knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For Him I have thrown everything aside—it’s nothing but a pile of waste—so that I may gain Him” (Phil. 3:7-8, TVB).

Let Jesus pull the poison out of your soul. Let down your walls of fear and anger. Let go of your theological desperation, and just rest in the arms of a Savior. Let your hard heart loosen in your chest and beat softly again. God can heal your unhealable wounds. God can make a new destiny out of the ashes of your broken and unfixable past. God can even bring closure for the unspeakable, the seemingly unforgivable.

As C.S. Lewis once said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” Your future does not have to be like your past, for the past was not always yours to control. But the present is yours for the taking, your new future is yours for the making.

–Shayne Mason Vincent, MSW, is lead pastor of the Casper Wyoming District. Email him at: [email protected]

By Steve Nelson

I will forever be grateful for growing up in a Christian home. My parents, who were not raised Christians, came to know Jesus as their Savior because of the earnest prayers of a godly grandmother and a call to surrender preached in a sermon by evangelist Billy Graham. They were young newlyweds, in love, ready to embark on life’s journey together when one evening they found themselves sitting in an auditorium balcony, two seats as far from the stage as possible, yet something amazing happened—they both heard the Spirit’s call and, together, they made their way to the front, surrendering their lives to God. One afternoon a literature evangelist came knocking at their door and sold them a set of Bible story books by a man named Uncle Arthur. As a child I remember my mom reading those stories countless times, teaching us the wonderful truths from God’s precious Word.

Growing up I loved going to church—spending time with our church family was simply amazing and I truly believed that our church was a piece of Heaven on Earth and, conceivably, it was, or maybe it was unique because of the times in which we grew up. Sounds picture perfect? Perhaps, or maybe I was too young to be involved in the internal workings of the church and society. Life was simpler then.

However, as I grew older, I began to hear louder rumblings of discontent and strife. Social injustice was taking center stage in the press and even in the church. Families that suffered the tragedy of divorce were sometimes viewed as outcasts. In those days, that was paramount to the unpardonable sin—branded with the scarlet letter “D”—viewed as being outside of God’s will or, perhaps, even outside His pardoning grace. Other times, I saw church members cannibalize each other over power struggles and spiritual pride.

By the time I was in my late teens and early 20s, church no longer held the interest of my early years. Sure, I would regularly attend, but somehow the thrill was gone. After several failed dating relationships, and the tragedy of losing my mother, I felt lost. Almost imperceptibly, I began to drift away, not in person, but in spirit. I wanted something the church was not providing—a safe, loving, and supportive place for someone who was still trying to figure out life— more importantly, how to live the impossible spiritual dream, to be a saint in a world that was anything but perfect. The church of that era only seemed to be focused on reaching those outside its doors and, since I was already in church, I was not a priority. Many of my generation left never to return.

Over time, I became a statistic. Sadly, I was one of a staggering number of young people who no longer attended church in any regular fashion. It was simply not a place for someone who was struggling to find themselves in a world that only encouraged compromise instead of fidelity. I didn’t see it at the time, but many of the choices I made drew me further away from God than I could ever have imagined. I was living a double life. When I went to church I put on my church clothes, my church smile and, because of so many years of practice, my church persona—happy on the outside, yet desperately lonely, lost, and empty inside. I was truly a backslidden Christian, and I had no hope of turning my life around. I knew I didn’t fit in, yet I was still searching and hoping to find something that would satisfy the hungering of my lost soul. I was afraid if people knew the real me they would treat me as an outcast—to be shamed and rejected. And if the church rejected me, God most certainly would do the same. At least that’s what I sincerely believed to be true.

One of the greatest dangers of sliding backward is that you never really know how far away from God you’ve gone, or how much danger you are actually in. Once the sin experiment begins, and the devil becomes your tour guide, you are not entirely free to choose what temptations you partake of, or resist. You may find yourself doing things that would have filled your heart with terror in the innocence of your youth. Yet, once you’re caught in sin’s deceitful web, the snare is too powerful to break and you become blinded to where you are or which path you are taking. It’s like driving through a snowstorm. You keep going forward, knowing you can’t stop, never quite certain how far you’ve gone, or the actual distance to your final destination. Thus, the perils of traveling the broad road that leads to destruction. For years I drifted in this state of uncertainty. Wanting what I could not find, a place of joy and safety, longing to return to some- where, or someplace, in the far distant past.

Thankfully, the prayers of a loving mother and godly father, along with many others, brought me to a turning point. I believe every prodigal son and daughter will eventually be brought to that place—faced with the ultimate decision. Will God win and eternity be filled with never-ending joy and peace, or will the pleasures of sin forever destroy their hope of a Heavenly home? Thankfully, for me, the devil lost that day.

By the time I came to the place of contemplating a return to church, my life had already changed dramatically. I married a wonderful wife and she agreed to return with me to the church I had left many years before. That step was very difficult to take. A few years prior to this, I had been working for a religious organization, yet was not connected to any church family. I wondered if we would be accepted. Or was the judgmental eye of godly saints waiting to ridicule me for staying away so long and living outside of God’s will for so many years? That fear kept us from darkening the church’s door for some time. Yet God’s voice still called, and one day we made that brave step back through those doors, and our lives were forever changed.

Growing up in the church made it somewhat easier to return, since I knew what the experience would be like, yet more difficult because the guilt of leaving and living on the outside still haunted me. What I needed, and what every prodigal child needs, is love, acceptance, and reassurance. If you have been privileged with the honor of welcoming a lost sheep home, the words you speak, and the manner in which you address them can have eternal consequences. Whatever you do, don’t ask, “Where have you been?” Don’t question their dress, speak of their failures, or look down your self- righteous nose at the condition in which they return. I plead with you to think loving thoughts toward them. Show the love and compassion of a Father whose arms are open wide, waiting to cover their shame with His royal, righteous robe and to claim them as His own.

Because we were loved and accepted, we stayed. And, because of God’s amazing grace, we are daily transformed. Little did I realize then the plans God had for our future. Today, we have been gifted with the awesome privilege to care for His sheep and I truly believe we are living in an hour in earth’s history when countless numbers of way-ward children are about to come home. Perhaps you are hearing the call to return? Please come. God has a special place and plan for your life. We are anxious to have you home.

–Steve Nelson pastors four churches in Wyoming with his wife Samantha. They currently have two awesome horses, two loving dogs, and one semi-neurotic cat. Email him at: [email protected]

By Jose Cortes, Jr

The Adventist Church across North America has placed a great amount of emphasis and resources on planting churches. Nearly 600 mission groups (that’s what we call our new church plants) have been launched since 2015 in the United States, Canada, Bermuda, and the islands of Guam and Micronesia. Several of those new churches have been planted in the Rocky Mountain Conference. Although we really believe that planting churches is essential to make the gospel accessible to people in every city, town, and island in our territory, we also believe that we must be very careful about planting churches which misrepresent God and our church.

Reasons not to plant churches

If you are going to plant a church that does not love all sinners, does not care about what happens outside the walls of the building, and whose only purpose is to change the religion of people and judge their behavior, please don’t plant a church.

If you are going to plant a church because your present church is totally dysfunctional, members are fighting, they cannot get along, and they are going to take all that dysfunctional DNA with them to the new church, please don’t plant a church.

If you are going to plant a church right next door to a sister congregation, which is already reaching the people and demographics of that community, simply to compete for their members and resources, please don’t plant a church. The territory is too vast and the amount of unreached people too great to be competing over a neighborhood which is already being reached. In church planting, collaboration is the name of the game, not competition.

Planting under these circumstances may be detrimental to our missional movement, hurt the reputation of our church, and above all dishonor the God we serve. It is true, we really want to plant churches yet we want to plant churches right.

Reasons to plant churches

Now that we’ve gone over some of the reasons not to plant churches, here are some reasons to plant which are important to consider.

1. Plant to make the gospel accessible. I would agree with other church planting specialists that in order for the gospel to be accessible through an Adventist Church to each person in our community, we must have a church for every 25,000 inhabitants. This means that in most of the larger cities of the Rocky Mountain Conference, we could have twice the number of churches that we have today without having to compete for territory or people.

2. Plant because we are the heart, eyes, hands, and feet of Jesus in our communities. Church planting is not just about having another place where we can hold worship services and corporately study the Sabbath School lesson. We plant churches because we desire to open up communities of compassion where people can experience the love of God and the compassion of Jesus in practical ways, which are transformational to families and individuals. We are not interested in planting worship services but churches which love, serve with the community, and worship regularly.

A church that does not go beyond the four walls is not really a church but a club.

3. Plant to best position Adventism to reach new generations, residents, and people groups. Most older churches don’t grow, but those that do grow, gain the majority of their new members by transfers from other congregations. On the other hand, new churches generally baptize at a higher percentage than older churches and gain 60 to 80 percent of their new members from people who are not attending any church.

Although it is hard to swallow, older Adventist churches have a very hard time reaching millennials, Generation Z, and single mothers, who together with their households have become one of the largest people groups in North America. Older Adventist churches also struggle to reach the LGBTQ+ community and emerging immigrant groups. Planting new churches with a different DNA can help to reach people our churches are not presently reaching.

Jesus did not preach an exclusive gospel; He founded an inclusive church. If our church can only reach people who think like us, dress like us, eat like us, smell like us, and worship like us, we will never be able to reach those who are different. Jesus came to save them too. We need to be more like Jesus.

4. Plant to help revitalize existing churches and to provide a natural environment for discipleship. One of the biggest push-backs often used to reject church planting is, “Why plant more churches if the ones we have are dying?” Saying “we cannot plant a church because the ones we have are not doing well” is like saying “a family cannot have babies because grandma is sick.” Churches, just like people, have a lifespan. Newborn babies keep the family going as grandparents age.

There should never be antagonism between church planting and church revitalization—they are both vital. When grandma is sick, we take her to the doctor and try to find a cure for her illness, but if you stop having babies because grandma is aging, eventually the family will be no more.

Church planting infuses new life and helps reset the lifespan of a plateauing or declining churches. When an older church intentionally releases leaders and supports the birth of a new congregation, it rediscovers its purpose, and rallying around the new baby strengthens its health and missional resolve. As people are released for ministry in the new mission group, more people are required to step in and serve, thus creating an awesome opportunity for disciple-making. Another great benefit of this process is that church plants, with mother churches, tend to grow stronger and faster than churches born without support. Planting for the right reasons can be a blessing to the church and its surrounding communities. We have learned from the incarnational Jesus we follow that our churches should not be encased within four walls, filled with people who only talk to themselves and spiritualize everything while the surrounding world suffers. To resemble the Jesus we proclaim, we need churches that are a constant flow of blessings to their neighbors, class- mates, colleagues, and those who simply walk the streets in need of hope. Jesus made life better and brought hope whenever He showed up. Our church plants and existing churches must be a reflection of that if we expect to make a dent in our communities for the Kingdom.

If you are going to plant a church which is centered in the salvation of God and the compassion of Jesus, a church that will be an agent of transformation in the community, please don’t plant one church, for God’s sake, plant at least a thousand.

–José Cortes, Jr., is an associate director of the ministerial association and leads evangelism, church planting, and Adventist/global mission for the North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists. Email him at: [email protected]

By Ardis Stenbakker

Ever since God prophesied that there would be enmity between the serpent Satan and the woman, Satan has had it in for women. He planned to target all women so he would not miss the mother of the Savior. It did not take long for the abuse of women and girls to begin. Fortunately, it has been Jesus Christ and other real Christian men who have turned the tide on the devil through the ages.

One indication of how things stand today is the fact that one of the most successful programs of Women’s Ministries is the abuse prevention initiative. This was introduced when I was director of Women’s Ministries at the General Conference as Abuse Prevention Sabbath, and it caught on like wildfire around the world. It was concrete and hit a nerve, often a bruised nerve, and began to make a difference in lives young and old, male and female. It was designated as a specific day on the world church calendar—the fourth Sabbath of August. After I retired, Women’s Ministries and ADRA received a grant that they worked on together and renamed the program “enditnow.”

Although abuse is probably not the top challenge for women in the twenty-first century in the Seventh-day Adventist Church in the Rocky Mountain Conference (although it well could be), it is an area where our churches could be making a difference in our communities by supporting shelters and getting involved in local abuse prevention programs.

There are other challenges here in RMC as well.

On a local church level there is a need for committed Women’s Ministries leaders. I believe one of the problems is that most churches, pastors, and women themselves do not really understand what Women’s Ministries is about. If realistically and thoughtfully carried out, it is a program which helps and empowers each woman to find a way to minister rather than just warming a church pew on Sabbath. It is far more than retreats and teas.

And beyond that, there is a need for women in leader- ship on the local church level. At the last five General Conference sessions, those for which I have done statistical research, women have made up only about 15 percent of the delegates. So although the church membership is made up of 65 to 70 percent women, their voices and views are not being represented. How does this happen? It starts at the local church level when women are not included in decision-making positions. It happens when nominating committees and church boards do not reflect the membership. The same is true of conference and union executive commit- tees and constituency meetings where women are not represented in proportionate numbers. It is only when women are treated equally at the local level that they will have a real say nationally or in world-wide decision venues.

So that women are prepared to serve on committees and boards at all levels, they often need training. Fortunately, some receive that on the job; others need opportunities for leadership training either through Women’s Ministries (leadership training is available through WM), their pastor, or their local church board. Women themselves need to take responsibility to get this training, to learn parliamentary procedures, and be willing to serve, to speak up, and to make a difference. Mentors, both male and female, pastors, and other church leaders can help make this happen.

I am delighted that the North American Division has stated unequivocally that they remain in support of women pastors and elders because this sends a message to all women, pastors or not, that they are valued—a message not often given.

It is well known that men and women think differently and process things differently. To fully understand what God has to say to us, and to plan and carry out the mission of the church, we need the women’s perspective as well as that of men; in our discussions and decisions, in our Bible study, and in our sermons, we need to hear both voices. After all, we are told that both men and women were created in the image of God.

One way women can be included and valued at the local level is for all those who write and speak to use inclusive language. When the King James Bible was translated, and long after, when one spoke of “men” or “man” it meant all people. Two examples: “Jesus answered, ‘It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God’” (Matt. 4:4, NIV). We know this means that women need to know Scripture as well as men, but that is not how it is written. Or these words penned by the Apostle Paul (Romans 3:28): “Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law” (KJV). To the younger generation, those who have been educated in inclusive language, it does not look inclusive; it may not say women are included if the reader is not used to reading scripture. And even if you know what this means, to a woman it can still feel hurtful.

In Acts 2, repeating Joel 2, Peter writes: And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams; even on my male servants and female servants in those days I will pour out my Spirit, and they shall prophesy. (ESV)

One has to wonder whether or not the Holy Spirit can be fully poured out if we stand in its way, not allowing it to rest on our daughters, allowing them to prophesy/preach. They too have dreams of witnessing and being recognized fully. It was Peter himself who later said, when defending his actions for going against traditional Jewish practices by meeting with Cornelius and his family, “Who was I to think that I could stand in God’s way?” (Acts 11:17, NIV).

We have a huge challenge before us: to take the love of Jesus to the whole world. About half of the population of the world is female. To reach them, we need to have a message with which they can resonate. We must be intentional in bringing women to the table. Let us work together to fulfill the Great Commission and Acts 2 in a dynamic, inclusive manner.

–Ardis Stenbakken, formerly director of women’s ministries at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists, writes from Loveland, Colorado. Her passion is that her granddaughters will be able to use their talents in this church. Email her at: [email protected]