When does tyranny become a virtue?

By Dick Stenbakken

The title seems like an oxymoron, but sadly it has often become a reality in nations, families, and organizations. “How,” you might ask, “could tyranny ever be not only accepted, but become a virtue?” The two seem to be direct opposites and would logically rule each other out. Think for a moment. We all value freedom and predictability/consistency. In order to have consistency and predictability–thus safety–we need guidance and rules. Otherwise there is chaos. That’s why we have speed limits, rules and regulations, and curfews for our kids.

When chaos is thought to be in full throttle, a parent, CEO, or even religious leader feels the necessity to step in, define the rules, and enforce them as a way to bring order. If the “chaos” continues, the leader resorts to naming, blaming, shaming, and punishing in order to take control.

The levers of control may be seized so strongly that the “cure” leads to tyrannical control, which the leader often sees as a virtue. “After all,” they reason, “if I did not step in and resolve the issues, it would be a total disaster; therefore, what I am doing is a high virtue. My control saves the nation/family/organization. I am acting in the best interest of those I lead, and I should be given unquestioned obedience because I am the (parent, leader, pastor, head elder, etc.).”

In the blink of an eye, tyranny has become a virtue, and those who disobey require and invite naming, blaming, shaming, and punishment. Power becomes abusive rather than conducive to growth and mature discussion.

Think Inquisition, or Saddam Hussein. Tyrannical rule can, indeed, bring consistent predictability. But the price is high. Freedoms evaporate. Oh, yes, there is a level of freedom, but it comes with the mantra of, “My way or the highway.”

When tyranny is in play, there will be abuse, but the abuser sees it as rational control. Think of an abusive marriage where one spouse takes tyrannical control. The abused spouse has no rights, no choices. “I don’t care what you think! You will do it the way I tell you or else,” becomes the rule of the household. The abuser justifies their naming, blaming, shaming, and punishment.

Think of an abusive parent/child relationship. Parents can be tyrannically abusive to their own children. “This is for your own good. This hurts me more than it hurts you,” is heard often. Parenting slips into child abuse. Tyranny has become a virtue in the mind of the abuser. The other side of that coin is when the roles are reversed and the child has control over the parent; control that becomes brutal. It is called elder abuse.

The same dynamics are operable in a religious or secular organization. Abusive leaders allow no discussion, no variance, no accommodation. “My way or the highway” is both a taunt and a reality.

My careers have taken me to assignments from doing thousands of hours of family and individual therapy with people of all backgrounds to leadership positions as varied as a pastor of a district of small, scattered congregations to assignments at the Pentagon and the World Headquarters of the Seventh-day-Adventist Church. Unfortunately, I have encountered people who have believed that their tyrannical style of leading is, indeed, a virtue. I have, by my profession and training, dealt with the shattered, broken, and hurting results of that kind of leadership.

Along the way, I have also seen another kind of leader- ship that produces much better results. I have worked with leaders, parents, and couples who, above all else, worked to build positive bonds and relationships with others in an atmosphere of respect where differing opinions were freely expressed and discussed, and chaos was avoided as people were developed, matured. As a result, unity was built.

That is the pattern Jesus used with His imperfect disciples. Rather than naming, blaming, shaming, and punishing them, He matured them through building relationships with them. It wasn’t instant or easy, but it was effective. The result was a freely chosen loyalty where the disciples became willing to die for Him. They were not forced into that, but through His mentoring, they freely chose allegiance and loyalty over self (Think of your relationship with your kids or grandchildren, and what you would do, or are doing, for them.)

During my military career, I worked closely with many generals. At that rank, they have enormous authority and power. One I worked for was a total tyrant. He publicly named, blamed, shamed, and threatened to punish officers under him. After one particularly rough staff meeting, a full expressed and discussed, and chaos was avoided as people were developed, matured. As a result, unity was built.

That is the pattern Jesus used with His imperfect disciples. Rather than naming, blaming, shaming, and punishing them, He matured them through building relationships with them. It wasn’t instant or easy, but it was effective. The result was a freely chosen loyalty where the disciples became willing to die for Him. They were not forced into that, but through His mentoring, they freely chose allegiance and loyalty over self (Think of your relationship with your kids or grandchildren, and what you would do, or are doing, for them.)

During my military career, I worked closely with many generals. At that rank, they have enormous authority and power. One I worked for was a total tyrant. He publicly named, blamed, shamed, and threatened to punish officers under him. After one particularly rough staff meeting, a full

The general came in, told us to sit down, cleared his throat, and said, “Well, you are probably wondering what I have to say about events over the weekend. Here’s my take: we have trained our troops well. The guy did not drive off the road, and the MP got out of the way. We have a good maintenance program, the blankety-blank thing didn’t break down. Our ammunition security is solid; he had no ammunition on board. The command responded well, having a truck ready to load and bring the tank back to us within ten minutes of his running out of gas. Overall, we did well. Things like this happen. Let’s just not do it again. Now, let’s get the morning briefing started.” That was it.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. No one was named, blamed, shamed, or punished. Our collective appreciation and loyalty to him went up many notches on the spot. I know that if he had called me in the middle of the night and said we were going to deploy and he wanted me to come as his chaplain, but heavy casualties were expected and I could accept or refuse his request, I would have chosen to follow him in a heartbeat. True, he could order me to be there, but I would have volunteered because of my deep respect for him and his leadership style. He cared about people more than regulations.

What is your need to have total power and control, to have the last word? Which of the two generals mentioned are you like? What kind of leader do you appreciate? More importantly, what kind of leader, pastor, parishioner, parent, or spouse are you?

Top-down, heavy-handed tyranny is never a virtue. It carries its own seeds of self-destruction. Jesus had it right. He, and we, are leaders and followers–in any realm–based on love and relationship.

Those are, indeed, virtues.

–Dick Stenbakken served as a pastor, U.S. Army chaplain, and director of Adventist Chaplaincy Ministries at the General Conference. He uses his experience and five graduate degrees to teach, preach, write, and do first- person presentations at venues from the U.S. Senate and the Pentagon to small churches and schools. His website is: www.biblefaces.com. Email him at: [email protected]