By Shayne Mason Vincent
How do you heal the unhealable, change the unchangeable, forgive the unforgivable; how do you heal the past?
- Stop fixating on what happened
Stop trying to fix it, stop trying to change it, stop fearing it, stop thinking about it, stop wishing it would change, stop wishing it would have been different, stop ruminating about it, stop thinking you could’ve done something different, stop demanding justice, stop wanting revenge, stop needing to repair it, stop the impression management, stop trying to fix everyone, stop trying to make it better, stop trying to make up for it. “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning; the patient in spirit are better than the proud in spirit; (so) Do not say, ‘Why were the former days better than these?’ For it is not from wisdom that you ask this” (Eccl. 7: 8,10, NRSV).
- Let go of what cannot be changed
Let go of it, let go of the resentment, let go of the hate, let go of the anger, let go of the injustice, let go of the rage, let go of the shame, let go of the guilt, let go of the pain, let go of the failure, let go of apathy, let go of the loss, let go of the rejection, let go of your vice like grip, let go of your expectations, let go of your demands, let go of your hard heart, let go of could have, let go of should have, let go of perfect, let go of fear, let go of control. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” (Isa. 43:18-19, NIV).
- Learn to accept a different path
Learn to release it, learn how to move on, learn acceptance, learn forgiveness, learn that control is an illusion, learn that it cannot be altered, learn to grieve it, learn to trust again, learn to lean upon God, learn new truths, learn self-acceptance, learn how powerful you are, learn that you will be ok, learn to change, learn to be happy. “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by appearance. . . . The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’” (1 Sam. 16:7, NLT).
- Form a new destiny
Form a different future, form something new, form new hopes, form new dreams, form a new life, form new experiences, form new spiritual life, form a taste for new foods, form new adventures, form new beliefs, form new boundaries, form new friends, form a new family, form new habits, form new hangouts, form new memories. “Whatever I used to count as my greatest accomplishments, I’ve written them off as a loss because of the Christ. And more so, I now realize that all I gained and thought was important was nothing but yesterday’s garbage compared to knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For Him I have thrown everything aside—it’s nothing but a pile of waste—so that I may gain Him” (Phil. 3:7-8, TVB).
Let Jesus pull the poison out of your soul. Let down your walls of fear and anger. Let go of your theological desperation, and just rest in the arms of a Savior. Let your hard heart loosen in your chest and beat softly again. God can heal your unhealable wounds. God can make a new destiny out of the ashes of your broken and unfixable past. God can even bring closure for the unspeakable, the seemingly unforgivable.
As C.S. Lewis once said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” Your future does not have to be like your past, for the past was not always yours to control. But the present is yours for the taking, your new future is yours for the making.
–Shayne Mason Vincent, MSW, is lead pastor of the Casper Wyoming District. Email him at: [email protected]