By Brook Melendez
22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.
23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone,
24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.
26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.
33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matt 9: 22-32)
Every time I read this passage from Matthew, it strikes me in a new and more challenging way. I see myself in the story – “YOU of little faith, why did YOU doubt?” Why did you think that I lost sight of you in this storm? Why did you doubt My faithfulness, My commitment to come to you in the chaos? Why did you doubt your power to walk on top of the tumultuous waves, through the wind, when your eyes were fixed on Me?
If we recall, this wasn’t the first time Jesus stilled the sea. Back in Matthew 9, Jesus and His disciples had been in a boat on the lake when a furious storm came up on it – a storm in which the waves nearly overtook the boat. When they awakened Jesus in their fearful state, he replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?”
Sounds pretty familiar, right?
So, by the time we get to Matthew 14, the disciples had already seen Jesus rescue them from a storm. And they had seen Him heal lepers, paralytics, the blind and mute, cast out demons, and literally raise the dead back to life. They had seen Jesus do the impossible – repeatedly. Yet there they were, during their storm, thinking they were completely alone, believing they were left to their own devices to survive.
After nearly an entire night of being pounded by this storm, the disciples see what they identify as a ghost walking out to them on the lake; they see their Rabbi, their Friend, their great I AM, their Peace, the Son of God Himself – walking out to them on the lake. In the midst of their storm and chaos and battle and sheer exhaustion, they see the man they know so personally – Jesus. And in that moment, they can’t identify Him – they become afraid.
I have this problem, too – I have this problem with my need for immediate results. I treat my God as though He has a timeline – and when I don’t see the solution instantly, I don’t recognize Him. I don’t expect Him.
Jesus responds to them in this situation in the same way He did when He calmed the storm the last time – “Don’t be afraid.” And I believe He responds to me in the same way. He has responded to me in my doubt and fear each and every time before.
In order to get his proof, Peter demands that Jesus have him walk on water. Peter climbs out of the boat and begins to walk to Jesus. I can’t say just how far Peter walked, but I can say that he didn’t start sinking until he was within an arm’s reach of Jesus. Because when Peter began to sink, Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him. He was right there.
I can tell you again that I see myself in this story. I can tell you that in the storms of my life, in the chaos of my life, in the battle and the sheer exhaustion I experience, I am just like the disciples. At times, I am so frozen in my fear that I am not the one to call out to Jesus, but instead the one to stay in my already sinking boat. On other occasions, I am the one to demand my proof, being called to exactly what I asked for, only to find that I can’t take unfamiliar steps in the midst of terrifying troubles.
I know that most often, though, I survive the storm, the darkness, the chaos, the battle, and the exhaustion, only to start sinking at the last second – when I am faced with my Solution, within an arm’s reach of Christ Himself. I don’t start sinking until I am called to trust in God to do the absolute impossible. I think I just may be more afraid of the solution and what that will require of me than I am of the storm itself. I am afraid of what it could mean for me to extend my hand with fearless confidence and join in the act of the impossible. I am afraid to go beyond the comfort and commonness of fear and doubt.
Yet even there, His grace pulls me up from the deep. His grace is in His hand that reaches out and catches me with fear in my eyes and water in my shoes. His grace is in His nearness to me, even when I begin to sink. His grace is in that moment and every other moment that we both find me believing I am left to my own devices to survive. He reaches out a hand to sustain me in my imperfect pursuit of Him. Dispelling my doubt and fear and fixating my eyes on the God I serve who consistently does the impossible could change my whole story.
And it could change yours, too.
Let it be so.
–Brook Melendez is pastor of youth and young adult ministry at The Adventure Adventist Church in Greeley, Colorado. Photo by Jason Hinrichsen on Unspash
