By Samantha Nelson
“And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41–42, KJV).
This verse reminds me of myself, and I’m sure many of you reading this can relate. It seems like life is so busy and there are constant demands from every direction. How is anyone supposed to find time to relax?
My stepfather, for all his faults, taught me the lesson of hard work, perseverance and striving for excellence. He may not have intended to teach me all those things, and he didn’t necessarily live them out in his own life, yet they are lessons I gleaned from the childhood I had under his rule.
Unfortunately, he did not teach me moderation or balance and, even though he’s been deceased for many years and I have not been under his control since I was 16 years old, I can still hear his voice at times echoing in my head. Maybe it isn’t even his voice anymore—maybe it is now just a deeply rooted pattern of thought and behavior molded by his words and treatment of me?
You see, nothing I did was ever good enough for my stepfather. I was a straight-A student, but if an exam had 10 extra bonus points and I failed to get them, that wasn’t good enough for him. If I got a 98 instead of a 100 on a test, that wasn’t good enough either. “Why didn’t you get a hundred?” “Why didn’t you do better?” “You’re so stupid!”
Those words, along with abuse and other things taking place as I was growing up, led me to strive for scholarly perfection and also drove me to control the one thing I could—my eating. I became severely anorexic, but I had perfect grades! I learned to mask the pain I was in (emotion- ally, physically, and spiritually) and put on a smile and keep pressing on. It makes me think of a different, and better, kind of pressing on that I need to focus on as “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14, KJV).
God has blessed and healed me from the pain of past abuse, the anorexia, and the need to be “perfect.” Yet something still lingers of the lessons I learned from my stepfather. This is very evident whenever I become sick or even when I’m just extremely tired. I have failed to learn the lesson of balance and resting when I need to do so. Maybe his words from long ago, or maybe just the ingrained patterns from all these years of trying to please my stepfather, have caused me to always push myself. Why else would I work 12 hours in the office while battling a major infection when I should be in bed resting?
I no longer perceive myself as trying to please my step- father or anyone else other than God and my husband, yet clearly I have not been able to balance the demands of work and ministry with my body’s demands for rest and health!
Jesus said in Matthew 11:28 (KJV), “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Oh, how I long to be able to rest more often without guilt. Without my stepfather’s words, “You’re lazy!” rattling around in my mind. May his words be replaced by my Savior’s words, “Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat” (Mark 6:31, KJV).
My greatest desire is to know God on the deepest level possible and to “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10, KJV).
May God help me achieve the greatest thing I need right now—balance and rest in Him. Work can wait. It will have to wait. My health and time with Jesus are more important.
What about you? Where do you stand? Do you need to come apart and rest awhile? If so, I pray you will choose “. . . that good part, which shall not be taken away . . .” (Luke 10:42).
–Samantha Nelson is a pastor’s wife and the CEO of The Hope of Survivors, a nonprofit organization dedicated to assisting victims of clergy sexual abuse and providing educational seminars to clergy of all faiths. Email her at: [email protected]