By Roxi Peterson
As someone who deals with depression myself, I know how easy it is to hide my true emotions from family and even my closest friends. The main reason my friends, family, and college professors know I struggle with depression is that I confided in them. But what if I hadn’t kept them in the loop? What if I told no one that I have depression? Would anyone notice? Would people be able to see my struggle?
Depression is not something only I deal with—many others do too. But to those who don’t have depression, it’s hard to understand. I’ve heard people experiencing depression labeled as sad, lazy, unmotivated, selfish, rude, aggressive, and more. But depression is so much deeper than that.
When I was feeling down, I researched articles about depression to try to understand what it means and how I could explain it to others. An article in The Guardian titled “What Does Depression Feel Like? Trust Me—You Really Don’t Want to Know,” states, “There is a heavy, leaden feeling in your chest, rather as when someone you love dearly has died; but no one has—except, perhaps, you. You feel acutely alone. It is commonly described as like viewing the world through a sheet of plate glass; it would be more accurate to say a sheet of thick, semi-opaque ice.” When I read this article, I broke down in tears because it hit home for me. Depression to me feels like my heart is constantly broken from a break-up or a death. All I want to do (or have the energy to do) is lie in bed. An accomplishment for someone dealing with depression can range from brushing their teeth to making their bed, and it most likely took all the energy they had to complete the simple task. Loneliness does not even begin to describe depression but is only a mere sliver of what that person feels.
Over the years, I’ve learned to manage my depression to some extent, but sadly some people don’t know how to take the first step in reaching out. A friend of mine asked me about someone who had lost their life to mental illness: “How could they let it get so bad? Why didn’t they reach out?” I gave him the best answer I could with an analogy that I hope helps explain. If someone finds out they have cancer, but catches it early enough, they can get the treatment they need to take care of it. If they don’t find the cancer soon enough, it will grow and grow until it takes over and their chances of survival are slim. Depression is the same way. If a person dealing with mental illness reaches out to get the help they need, they can get it under control. But if they don’t reach out, the depression will eat at them more and more until depression has swallowed them up and there isn’t much more they can do.
I know that doesn’t answer the question as to why the person didn’t reach out, but no one can possibly find all the answers. Even if people seem strong, like they have it all together, that is only what we see on the surface. Depression can look like a bubbly person who smiles, laughs, and appears put together, but only in front of others. Behind closed doors, that same person who seemed to have it all together could be sitting in the corner holding their knees, with tears rolling down their cheeks, hoping the day will just end. Or worse, that their life will end. It is so important to not only check on your friends who seem sad or down, but also your friends who seem super happy. They might deny there is anything wrong, but what if they choose to open up to you? What if you are somehow able to get through to them? You might just end up saving their life. Life is so fragile and can be taken away in the blink of an eye.
We don’t have all the answers, but someone does—God. God is always there to comfort us when we are at our weakest points. He cries with us, hurts with us, and embraces us when we can’t embrace ourselves. “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, ESV).
In loving memory of those who’ve lost their lives due to mental illness.
Roxi Peterson is a senior communication student at Union College in Lincoln, Nebraska.