Mountain Views Page 5

20 Sep

Playing Nice with Diverse Opinions in Our Churches

In

Mountain Views, Fall 2019

PLAYING NICE WITH DIVERSE OPINIONS IN OUR CHURCHES

 

 

 

By Ron Price

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. —Dalai Lama Have you ever noticed how upset people can get when speaking with someone who holds an opinion different from their own? I’m sure you have, but have you ever wondered why this is so common?

Why should I be threatened because you believe some- thing that I don’t, and vice-versa? I always strive to grant others the right to be wrong whenever they choose to go against my “wisdom.”

OK, now that I have disengaged my tongue from my cheek (do we even use that expression anymore?), let’s get serious again. So many disputes occur when people take it personally that others do not agree with them. Well, if you haven’t discovered it by now, let me break it to you gently—no one will ever agree with you on everything all the time. And, if they did, you likely would get tired of having them around.

While it may indeed be easier to say than to do, I strongly encourage you to resolve not to take it personally when others differ from you in some way. You are not the Holy Spirit. It is not your responsibility to “straighten out” a fellow believer, or anyone else. As I heard at Western Slope camp meeting several years ago, “I want to be very conservative when it comes to leading my own life, but very liberal when it comes to how other people lead theirs.” Also, at the risk of offending some of you, might I suggest that a common reason you might get upset at another’s contrary opinion is that you are not secure in your own? If you know what you believe and why you hold to it, why should it bother you if someone else feels differ- ently? Why would you want to change them or have them come around to your way of thinking? If it is a matter of salvation, or an issue of church welfare, you might have to advocate strongly for your position.

Most arguments, however, do not concern such lofty matters. Another common source of arguments or “heated” conversations in the church is that each and every one of us has a deep-seated desire to be understood. This desire starts at birth and does not stop this side of the grave. If you don’t believe me, observe a toddler who is trying to be understood but is failing in his or her objective. Trust me; it is not a pretty sight!

Make it a personal priority to fully understand others before judging in any way.

In my coaching and mediation practice, I often find people engaged in the “shoot and reload” method of communication. This happens when people are having two separate monologues rather than one dialogue. While very common, this practice is fraught with peril and unlikely to result in effective communication or problem-solving.

In “shoot and reload” communication, the goal is to persuade the other person that you are right and they are wrong. You may practice pretend-listening while the other person speaks, but in reality, you stay in your thoughts about how you will correct them if they ever have the decency to stop talking.

There will always be differing points of view within any organization, and the church is no exception. My strong recommendation is that you ask God’s help for you to:

●  Not take it personally when others think differently than you do;

●  Resolve to know what you believe and why you believe
it so strongly that you do not feel threatened by opposing views;

●  Make it a personal priority to fully understand others before agreeing or disagreeing or judging in any way; and

●  Adopt an attitude that everyone you meet knows something you do not, and if you listen well enough, you are bound to learn something new.

Please note that listening and understanding does not necessarily mean you agree with what is being said. It simply means you respect the other person enough that you want
to understand them. I like the sentiment expressed by psychologist Carl Rogers: “I have found it of enormous value when I permit myself to understand another person.”

I like what Jesus said even more: “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”

Ron Price is a member of the RMC executive committee from Farmington, New Mexico. Email him at: [email protected]

20 Sep

Church. Bastion of Honesty and Openness

In

Mountain Views, Fall 2019

CHURCH. BASTION OF HONESTY AND OPENNESS

 

By Ed Barnett

When I think of a word like authenticity and apply it to life and the witness of the church, a mix of emotions fills me. May I share some of my thoughts on authenticity and the church?
To start with, I believe the church ought to be a place where authenticity runs supreme. If we can’t be authentic in church, something is wrong! If you have to question what the church says, then where would you turn? The church has to be transparent and authentic in whatever it says and does.
As a leader in the church, I firmly believe we must be honest. There are situations, however, where complete transparency is not warranted. In fact, we could put ourselves in a legal bind by sharing too much. For instance, if we let someone go because of sexual immorality, we don’t advertise that, but we don’t lie about it either.
When people think about our church, I want them to know it is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, as recommended by the Apostle Paul to the church in Philippi.

Authenticity and honesty should be the way Christians endeavor to live their lives.

The problem is that sinners run the church. We all fall short of God’s ideal. In the Rocky Mountain Conference, my desire is to know that we are doing everything we can to be honest and transparent in our dealings with every church, every school, and every church member. I believe everyone who works in our office feels that way. If I found out someone felt differently, we would deal with them and the situation!
Today, we live in a world where we hardly know what is true or false. It doesn’t matter what political party you are involved with. Wherever you stand, you find yourself questioning everything that is said on either side. But it should not, it cannot, be that way in the church.
In 2015, at the last General Conference Session, it concerned me that a number of divisions in the church allegedly told their delegates how to vote. The delegates were told to use voting cards rather than using the electronic voting machines so their administrators could see how they voted.
If that was true, and I heard it from enough of our leaders in the North American Division that I believe it, I’m disheartened. Such actions are not transparent. They are manipulative and controlling, not the way Jesus dealt with people. Neither should they ever be seen in the church.
Authenticity and honesty should be the way Christians endeavor to live their lives. The church should be a bastion of honesty and openness. It should be a place where manipulation, name-calling, and strong-arming are absent.
Authenticity means that we are open and honest in sharing our true thoughts and feelings. Love, anger, loneliness, hurt, and pain are all authentic feelings. We need to share those feelings honestly and openly and constructively. In contrast, we can’t become haters, always angry and upset with everyone and everything.
The church should exemplify what the Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:8. He says: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable.”
That is what the church ought to be! And when the church is operated in that fashion it will be a place where people want to be.
It’s my prayer that our conference office, along with every church, school, and every member would operate with that kind of authenticity!

Ed Barnett is RMC president. Email him at: [email protected].

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