Mountain Views, Fall 2019

PLAYING NICE WITH DIVERSE OPINIONS IN OUR CHURCHES

 

 

 

By Ron Price

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. —Dalai Lama Have you ever noticed how upset people can get when speaking with someone who holds an opinion different from their own? I’m sure you have, but have you ever wondered why this is so common?

Why should I be threatened because you believe some- thing that I don’t, and vice-versa? I always strive to grant others the right to be wrong whenever they choose to go against my “wisdom.”

OK, now that I have disengaged my tongue from my cheek (do we even use that expression anymore?), let’s get serious again. So many disputes occur when people take it personally that others do not agree with them. Well, if you haven’t discovered it by now, let me break it to you gently—no one will ever agree with you on everything all the time. And, if they did, you likely would get tired of having them around.

While it may indeed be easier to say than to do, I strongly encourage you to resolve not to take it personally when others differ from you in some way. You are not the Holy Spirit. It is not your responsibility to “straighten out” a fellow believer, or anyone else. As I heard at Western Slope camp meeting several years ago, “I want to be very conservative when it comes to leading my own life, but very liberal when it comes to how other people lead theirs.” Also, at the risk of offending some of you, might I suggest that a common reason you might get upset at another’s contrary opinion is that you are not secure in your own? If you know what you believe and why you hold to it, why should it bother you if someone else feels differ- ently? Why would you want to change them or have them come around to your way of thinking? If it is a matter of salvation, or an issue of church welfare, you might have to advocate strongly for your position.

Most arguments, however, do not concern such lofty matters. Another common source of arguments or “heated” conversations in the church is that each and every one of us has a deep-seated desire to be understood. This desire starts at birth and does not stop this side of the grave. If you don’t believe me, observe a toddler who is trying to be understood but is failing in his or her objective. Trust me; it is not a pretty sight!

Make it a personal priority to fully understand others before judging in any way.

In my coaching and mediation practice, I often find people engaged in the “shoot and reload” method of communication. This happens when people are having two separate monologues rather than one dialogue. While very common, this practice is fraught with peril and unlikely to result in effective communication or problem-solving.

In “shoot and reload” communication, the goal is to persuade the other person that you are right and they are wrong. You may practice pretend-listening while the other person speaks, but in reality, you stay in your thoughts about how you will correct them if they ever have the decency to stop talking.

There will always be differing points of view within any organization, and the church is no exception. My strong recommendation is that you ask God’s help for you to:

●  Not take it personally when others think differently than you do;

●  Resolve to know what you believe and why you believe
it so strongly that you do not feel threatened by opposing views;

●  Make it a personal priority to fully understand others before agreeing or disagreeing or judging in any way; and

●  Adopt an attitude that everyone you meet knows something you do not, and if you listen well enough, you are bound to learn something new.

Please note that listening and understanding does not necessarily mean you agree with what is being said. It simply means you respect the other person enough that you want
to understand them. I like the sentiment expressed by psychologist Carl Rogers: “I have found it of enormous value when I permit myself to understand another person.”

I like what Jesus said even more: “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”

Ron Price is a member of the RMC executive committee from Farmington, New Mexico. Email him at: [email protected]