Becoming Authentic
So, how does a person become “authentic?” I cannot offer a concise ten-step program or an Authenticity for Dummies guidebook. It is not really about learning, or knowing, but about being. Here are a few aspects that are essential for being or becoming real.
Total Honesty
Being genuine presupposes that I am brutally honest, not only in my dealings with others, but also with regard to myself. Many of us are clever in the way we handle our own PR. We take great care with the image we project. But some of us may be quite different from this image. We may not be such a considerate husband as we want others to believe, or the caring mother we hope people think we are. We may not be so spiritual as our pious words in Sabbath School suggest. The reality, however, is that sooner or later the truth comes out. Somehow people can smell it, if things
do not add up in how we present ourselves.
If you want to be authentic, start with being totally hon- est. Look in the mirror to discover who you really are. If you do not like what you see, work for change. Ask God to give you the strength you need to face your fakeness. It will earn you respect when people see you struggle. Living a lie does not bring you respect but only disillusion.
Admit Your Doubts and Mistakes
Admitting that you have doubts does not make you weaker. All of us have doubts, that is, all of us who do any thinking. The question is what we do with our doubts and uncertainties. Do we cultivate them and suggest to ourselves and others that our doubts and questions simply reflect
our superior intelligence? Or do we prayerfully search for answers? Are we trying to deal with our questions—one
by one—even if it takes a long time?
Be Vulnerable
Most human beings like to talk about themselves. But usually we tend to emphasize the things we do well, the skills we possess. We may exaggerate our role in the organi- zation that employs us—a little (or not so little). We extoll the virtues of our children and may somewhat stretch the social status of some of our relatives. We tend to drop the names of important people we happen to know (even if that “knowl- edge” is extremely flimsy). People notice, and, as a result, they will not take us seriously.
It is only when we are willing to share—at some appro- priate moment and with the right person(s)—that not all went well in our lives, that we made some serious mistakes, that our family situation is not always ideal, and our career had its ups and downs that people accept us as genuine.
If we say we are Christians, the million-dollar question is whether our everyday choices reflect those beliefs.
It took me quite some time to learn this. One of the great tragedies for many who work in the church is to see that their children have not followed the same path. When people asked me whether my children were “in the church,” for a long time I tended to answer vaguely. Now, I openly acknowledge that my children have not become Adventist church members. I have experienced that most people do not judge me but rather sympathize with me. Many have the same experience and they appreciate that I dare to make myself vulnerable by also telling about some things that did not go so well in my life. In fact, often they are more willing to talk with me, knowing that I have some of the same problems they are facing.
Tell Your Story
We must realize that most people have a need to tell their story. They need to be listened to. But we must also keep in mind that people want to know our story. Knowing who we really are behind our professional or social facade, where we are coming from, helps to make us into real, authentic people.
Live Authentically
If we say we are Christians, the million-dollar question is whether our everyday choices reflect those beliefs. Has following Christ made us a nicer and more compassionate person? Can people see that we care? Can they see our integrity and honesty? Do we model inclusiveness when
we interact with those who are “different?” Do we graciously extend forgiveness and accept forgiveness when we need it ourselves?
We must constantly ask these questions: Have the things
I talk about to others become, at least to some extent, a reality in my own life? Can people see that I am living a
life that matters? What do people see when they look at
me? A faithful steward? A real disciple of Christ? A Christian is his or her relationships? Someone who is transparent and can be trusted? Not just occasionally but 24/7?
Christ: Our Model of Authenticity
Becoming authentic remains a work in progress. But in essence it is about gradually becoming more like Christ.
He became truly human. He was not afraid to make Himself vulnerable. We do not become like Him overnight. In
fact, we will never be at His level. But He can help us in
our life-long commitment to authenticity. In His footsteps we can become real! RMC