By Ron Price – Farmington, New Mexico … One of our nation’s founding fathers Thomas Paine stated, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” He wrote that about the American Revolution, but I’m confident he could have been speaking to our present-day reality as well.

We are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, with numerous attendant consequences. One such negative outcome is that we live in an age of unrest, and unity seems to be rarer and rarer. The lack of unity is apparent on various levels – worldwide, nationally, in communities, churches, and workplaces. Unfortunately, we also see disunity in marriages and families, and that is not a pretty picture.

Conflict and division seem to be the norm these days, but does this really need to be the case? We have always had to live with conflict and division, and I’m confident we will in the post-COVID days. But, while conflict is inevitable, I’m happy to say that damaged relationships are optional.

Most people in America say they dread conflict, which likely causes them to avoid it at all costs. Whether well-intended or not, seeking to avoid differences with others will rarely, if ever, make the conflict go away. On the contrary, this approach typically serves to exasperate the situation. It tends to add to, rather than alleviate, a sense of dis-unity. An Australian politician, Jay Weatherill said, “You don’t get unity by ignoring the questions that have to be faced.”

While most Americans say they dread conflict, I believe it is also safe to say that the majority have never received training in what I term Relationship CPR. CPR, in this case, stands for Conflict Prevention & Resolution.

My first recommendation is that you strive to be at peace and in unity with yourself. When you are content with who you are, differences with others are not a threat. Unity is not when everyone agrees on all points– and that’s a good thing because that will never happen. Unity does not require uniformity. Unity exists when you can respect disagreements with others and still play nicely with them in the sandbox.

If you would like to have more peace and joy, with less strife and grief in your relationships, start with yourself. Realize that self-care is not selfish. Learn to accept yourself and know you have value just because you are the only you on the planet. Just like the rest of us, you have good points and those that are not-so-good. That’s your human condition.

An unnamed Anglo-Saxon Bishop (1100 C.E.) whose words of wisdom were written on his tomb in the crypts of Westminster Abbey summed up my thoughts well:

“When I was young and free, and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But, it too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for only changing my family, those closest to me. But alas, they would have none of it. And now, as I lie on my death bed, I suddenly realize if I had only changed myself first, then by example, I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have changed the world.”

In closing, I have good news and bad news. First, the bad. You are not likely to ever experience complete unity among people on this planet. The good news, however, is that is not your responsibility. Focus on your personal area of influence – your family, your workplace, your church, etc.

–Ron Price is a member of RMC executive committee from Farmington, New Mexico. Email him: [email protected]; photo by pixabay

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