By Gary Thurber
Lynne Franklin, who works in neuroscience, authored an article about the difference between giving praise and showing gratitude.* She defines the difference between the two when she says, “Praise recognizes something a person has done. Gratitude is about the meaning of what they do and who they are to you.”
I know it seems a little bit like splitting hairs, but there is a difference between praise and gratitude. She goes on to explain that praise comes from the Latin word, pretium, meaning reward, prize value, worth. Gratitude comes from the Latin as well, and the root word is gradus, for pleasing, agreeable, thankful, grace.
October is pastor appreciation month, and I can’t tell you how many people over the years have told me we should not join this celebration that happens in nearly every denomination. The logic they use is that they don’t want the pastor to become big-headed in the process and therefore damaged as a result.
I do believe that could happen, if all you do as a church is heap praise on your pastor. Being human, any pastor could begin to think more highly of themselves than they ought to. I will say, however, there is less danger of that happening than for a pastor to feel under-appreciated.
A true story
I can remember the hardest nine month stretch in my pastoral journey. We were preparing for an evangelistic campaign when a terrible accident took place on our front lawn. One of our attending family’s daughters was killed in an accident right in front of our elementary school children who were just being let out of classes for the day. The trauma this brought to our church family was truly indescribable.
Five months later, another one of our families lost their daughter in a drowning accident in their backyard. Before she passed away, however, she lay motionless in the pediatric critical care unit at the hospital. It was unbearable for the family to think about pulling the life-support from her. I was there with them when they finally let her rest until Jesus comes.
Four months later, a newborn baby in our church died from an accident in their home. The pain, guilt, anger and nearly any other painful emotion you can think of hit this family hard. Spending time with them was the most important work I had to do at that time as they processed their grief.
I will never forget someone coming up to me and saying, “Pastor, you have had a rough stretch. We are grateful you were there for our families. I have a room reserved for you at a hotel by the beach and I want you to take your family and have some special time together.”
You know, that gesture did not inflate my ego. I didn’t say, “Well, I must be a great pastor!” This person was not heaping praise; he was showing gratitude. What I heard was that someone noticed the intense journey I had been on with these three beautiful families, and they wanted me to know my ministry was appreciated. To a very tired and emotionally spent pastor, this meaningful token of appreciation went a long way in encouraging my soul.
Double blessing
The interesting thing is that, according to Lynne Franklin’s article, showing or giving gratitude is actually good for you too—not just for the person receiving the gratitude. Dr. Franklin says that by showing gratitude we:
- Become happier people.
- Become physically healthier.
- Becoming a better version of ourselves
So, this month is your opportunity to let your pastors know how meaningful their work is to you and the church family. Not only will you be giving your pastor a gift of encouragement, but you will be blessed as well.
We have wonderful pastors in the Mid-America Union. May God continue to hold them and their families in the palm of His hand!
* Are You Giving Praise or Gratitude? by Lynne Franklin, a neuroscience nerd, TEDx and Vistage speaker and author. www.LynneFranklin.com
—Gary Thurber is president of the Mid-America Union Conference. Republished with permission from OUTLOOK magazine News October 1, 2025, article. Photo Supplied.
